About 40 years ago, I was on a hiking tour with a friend in early spring. The course went from the Gunma Prefecture side of Mt. Asama and crossed over to the Nagano Prefecture side through Onioshidashi. It was a strenuous climb and we rested often as we made our way step by step up the mountain. I particularly remember a point where we stopped and looked back on the path we had taken and gained new strength to press on.
It is necessary on our life journey as well to frequently stop along the way and look back on the path we have trod thus far in order to make sure we are on the right path.
I have been blessed over the past ten or fifteen years to have had several opportunities to look back over my life, at least as much as I could remember of it. Dividing our lives into seven-year segments, we were able to spend ample time remembering past events and experiences. Then we meditated on the things that abide deeply in our hearts and wrote them down. After time to reflect, we wrote one-page summaries of each seven-year segment based on these events and experiences. As I read through my summaries, several things became clear to me.
The first was the realization of how much I have received from so many people. I became aware that most of what I have, I have received from my father and mother, my grandfathers and grandmothers, my uncles and aunts, my teachers, my classmates, my acquaintances and my friends.
And then my eyes were opened to the realization that God, my compassionate heavenly Father, was the source of all of the gifts and thanksgiving welled up within my heart to the Lord who has blessed my life with so many good gifts.
Another thing that happened in the process of doing this exercise was becoming able to more clearly see the hand of the Sovereign God in my life. Through everything, the environment in which I was raised, the people I have encountered, the dreams of my youth, the setbacks, successes and failures, the stumbling that arose from my own deep sinfulness and foolishness, through it all, I came to see the sovereign guidance and mercy of God orchestrating my life. Being born in an zealous Buddhist home, being given the freedom and responsibility from an early age that come from being the oldest son in a family of eight children, my obsession with sports in my teens, meeting the friend who was instrumental in my becoming a Christian, the tension in my relationship with my parents in their opposition to my faith, straying during my university years and the various crises of faith. As I meditated on each of these things, the following Psalm came to have special meaning to me:
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul;
and forget not all his benefits.
He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases;
He redeems my life from the pit
and crowns me with love and compassion.
Psalm 103:1-4
On one occasion after I had been through this reflection process a few times, there was a time for sharing what I had written with a few friends who had been doing the same exercise. We not only read what we had written to one another, but each member of the group was to listen carefully to what the others read and to think about a theme of growth or maturation they sensed, and then to summarize it in one comment. The pattern for the comment was, ‘I think that for you growth and maturation are from _______ to _______.’
After listening to my long life-story, one friend expressed his comment in this way, ‘I think that for you growth and maturity is from samurai to playful boy.’
At first, I was disconcerted at this unexpected response, but as I traced this theme carefully back through the words I had written, a deep resonance gradually rose up within my heart. It is true that from the time I was small I had lived in the world of winning and losing. My natural way of relating was to compare and to compete with others. It was not so much a matter of being overly serious as it was of knitting my brow with Eeyore-like gloominess; I was rarely ever able to freely express my true emotions.
From that moment, a desire was born in my heart, ‘I want to be able to relax more and to become a person who enjoys meeting people and savors fellowship with my friends. I want to be able to express my feelings in a natural way.’
There is other fruit that was born from this experience of reflecting on my life journey. I would like to write about it in the next article.