I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. (Philippians 4:10)
When I read this, I didn’t quite believe Paul’s protestation that he is content. “Rejoice greatly” and “at last” told me that there has been a drought and then the rain came, and “I rejoiced greatly that at last …”.
Furthermore, he was conscious that in the early days of his ministry “not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only”. If he noted it, and remembered it to this point, it must have rankled that he did not receive support.
And then I realised that the fact that I felt this and read what he said in this way, is because this is how I feel; acutely, the loneliness of the minister; the thirst for affirmation; and the need to know that you are making a real (and not transient) difference.
Paul goes on to say “Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account.” His joy is over the evidence that the Philippians knows to love in return and that is pleasing to the Lord. In his heart he already is content. “I have received full payment and have more than enough,” Paul wrote in Philippians 4:18.
That distinction is vital and I know that I have not reached that place in my heart. My heart and soul still hungers.
How did Paul quench the hunger in his own heart and soul for love and affirmation? He went through so much; the full gamut of joy and pain. Though he has companions, much of his ministry is spent moving from place to place. And then there was prison.
As he wrote chapter 4 to speak on the matter of the Philippian Church’s response to his need, his experience of it—the questions unanswered, the anxious waiting culminating in the joy of the arrival of the love gift and news—must have been fresh in his mind. It seems to me that his twin call in verses 4 and 5 to joy and gentleness must have been instrumental in his ability to maintain contentment during those days.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Paul seeks for joy in the Lord and finds it. The need of his heart is filled by his love for Christ and by Christ’s nearness to him. The reality that he is serving the Living God, speaking to him, hearing his voice, seeing him at work—fills and fulfills. Christ’s nearness also means rest and shelter, love and healing. The restlessness of the soul, the worry over matters outside of his control, the constant struggle with sin—these are met by the peace that passes all understanding and banished by the God of Peace. In such a reality, contentment, peace, joy, love floods the soul and heart.
As I thought about this, I realised that I have been holding out. I want that need in my heart to be filled not by God but by my friends and those I minister to. But I want that for myself, not as the fruit of their life with God. That need can never be filled by them; that is the truth. It must be filled by God; indeed it only can be filled by God.
I accept your wisdom, Father. It is a struggle to give up what I have been needing all these years; the hunger I feel that never seems to be satisfied. And I surrender it to you, Father. Be to me as you are to Paul.