He could hardly breathe as the emotions, long suppressed, took over his mind and body. After what seemed like an eternity, while his mind remained blank, he found himself staring out the window, the letter in his hand, crushed.
The servants had merely told him that someone had come bearing a letter from Paul. Of course they didn’t recognise him.
The shock of seeing him was like a tight vise that gripped his heart. It had taken all of his control to quietly tell him to wait as he dashed into his study.
He sat down and slowly read through the letter, trying to suppress the rage that threatened to boil over again. And then he read it again.
Paul, of all people, knew what had happened. He had confided this deepest of secrets to him and found redemption as he shared with him of a Saviour who died to save him.
“Leave everything at the cross,” Paul had said, “and take to heart the love that Jesus poured out for you.”
And he did. And life slowly became sweet again as he found that he could quench his bitterness at the feet of God who had every right to be bitter but chose to love.
He too chose to love, and found he could live again.
He owed Paul his life and as he glanced down at the letter that reminded him of his debt, he wondered if he had the resolve within him to do what Paul had asked, not commanded, but asked him to do.
“The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.”
As he read those words again, they became a prayer in him and then he realised that deep down he wants to be the man who forgives, not the man who gains satisfaction from retribution.
The man who introduced him to the Son of God who stood in front of him before God the Father and pleaded for him with his life, now stands in front of Onesimus to plead with him to forgive.
“Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever—no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord.”
Onesimus, the slave who caused him so much harm, was long gone. Philemon, the master who was wronged, was long gone. By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, they are now two men who have risen to new life.
He took his time, praying from his heart and soul, making sure that this was no hasty decision. And then he got up to open the door.